What does the idea of being in a relationship look like to you? Does it bring to mind positive or negative thoughts?
What is your idea of a healthy, loving relationship?
For your relationship to be good, what would need to be different or better?
Relating refers to two people having a connection in thought, feeling and behaviour, showing understanding, trust and an awareness of the others perception. Many couples fail to manage this successfully and consequently, find themselves feeling deeply unhappy.
To be in a mutually loving relationship means that the 5 A's are all being met. When you boil it right down, this is what both men and women ultimately seek. These are:
Acceptance of your partner warts and all, without trying to force or control change through their thoughts, feelings and behaviour and what you believe they should, could or ought to be doing differently.
Appreciation of the little things they offer as well as an appreciation of the little things that they can't or struggle to offer.
Approving, encouraging, being supportive and empathic of your partner's individual life roles, drives and goals, commitments and responsibilities, enabling a sense of personal space, freedom and trust.
Attention in the moment with your partner without planning too far ahead. Being aware of what you are both experiencing in your life right now, as well as how your and your partners past may be affecting the present.
Affection, Intimacy physically, mentally and emotionally enables a partner to feel comfortable exposing thier vulnerable side to you, kindness and tenderness as well as lust and passion.
Having your partners back, fighting thier corner, demonstrating trust, allowing them to be themselves, encouraging and supporting them to achieve thier goals and desires are all fundimental markers of a mutually happy and loving relationship.
Sadly the total 5 A's above are often not met and this is where problems can arise.
How many A's are you giving to and getting from your partner?
- Have you been experiencing feelings of sadness or despair over a relationship?
- Do you feel deep unresolved anger or rage towards your ex partner
- Do you feel overwhelmed with anxiety or indecision as to what to do about it?
- Perhaps you have recently split up with or lost a partner. Does the current loss you are feeling trigger past rejections?
- Are you involved with a confusing or commitment phobic partner who blows hot and cold?
- Were you badly hurt in the past and now feel unable or fearful of allowing yourself to feel vulnerable again in a new relationship?
- Does your partner's behaviour make you over analyze your interactions together? Do you blame yourself when actually deep down you know that they are the one with the problem?
- Are you struggling to cope with being lied to or betrayed?
- Are you scared to be single, perhaps staying in a relationship for the wrong reasons e.g financial security or for the sake of the children?
If any of the above resonates with you then I can help, As a specialist Relationship / Love coach I have heard many stories where the above all play a key part in destroying the relationship. Gain insight and awareness today so you can begin to get the relationship you desire and deserve tomorrow.
When the past affects the present:
All too often, due to the inadequate parenting of our mother or father we grow up feeling our needs as a child were not met, we then subconsciously try to recreate meeting those needs in our adult life.
- Do you lack the confidence in yourself to believe you will find the suitable partner that you deserve?
- Did you have a mother or father who's own needs came before yours?
We often find ourselves getting involved with people similar to our parents, even though they are not actually the ideal type of partner for us.
- Perhaps you feel they simply lacked the understanding and nurturing that you craved and therefore your emotional needs as a child were not met?
Sometimes we seek out people directly opposite to our parents ie a loving nuturing partner and find we cannot handle that much affection and attention because we are simply not familier so that if feels overbearing or suffocating. In other words 'It doesn't feel like home'.
We may also find ourselves, both consciously and subconsciously getting back at our mother or father through the way that we treat our partner, this type of dysfuntion is far more common than you may imagine but the good news is, it is a behaviour that can be worked through and broken.
Find out how I can help you let go of your past and begin moving forwards towards a happier relationship. Free no obligation telephone consultation 07984 011429
The 5 A's
Letting go and moving on
Breaking the compulsive cycle / Pattern of behaviour when choosing a partner
Humiliation, Sadness, Rage, Anger, Frustration, Jealousy
On / Off relationships
Relationships that are making you ill or sick
Mourning and grieving / Stages of loss